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If you never lost your mind – DO NOT READ THIS

If you never hated yourself – DO NOT READ THIS

If you never froze up – DO NOT READ THIS

If you never pick your nose – DO NOT READ THIS

If you want to smell better – DO NOT READ THIS

If you wear too much make up – DO NOT READ THIS

If you’re shopping for white goods – DO NOT READ THIS

If you’re scared of the birds – DO NOT READ THIS





Bed and board

I don’t ask for much
but it comes my way over the airwaves
like it always should
You know it’s for your own good

Only last week
they finally rolled out the old perv
just in time to pay the rent
for the sake of light entertainment


The blame game

You have reached the wrong imaginary world
Please hang up and try again
I can’t hear you, but I heard
what everybody’s saying.
This is what you get when someone else is paying.


Pageturner 3

Traffic first…

Beyond feminism


O’er the wide water there lies a broad field
of true companionship
where you can fuck amongst the wheatstalks
stucktistic titties akimbo
and twiddle your diddle
top bottom and middle
liberally peppered with pubes

There is no dry road
high or low
to take you to this clipper country though

sides within sides

Special’s the opposite of ordinary
let ’em all come down
Erosion’s becoming a tourist attraction
for the outward bound

Tall Tales

There once was a verse from Leviticus

that said certain sins should be forgiven us

but others are dire

and deserve stoning or fire…

With hindsight it seems quite ridiculous.